What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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