Did you just see the Batmobile???
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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