brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
