mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
These tits shall not be calmed
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