Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
