brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
