did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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