OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
