ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
