Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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