Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
