My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
