You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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