Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
where does the pee come out of this thing
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
