My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
