That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
