Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
