look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
