Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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