I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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