we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
