Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize