The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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