I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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