the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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