all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Found the puke drawer
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
