There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
