I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
