I threw up into my coffee this morning.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
