apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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