Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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