Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
