I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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