Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
