I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
