I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
