You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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