he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My vagina just recognized that song.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
