Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
