He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sarcasm needs its own font
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
