Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
