how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
