Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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