I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
pray to the hookup gods
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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