How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
soo... how was my night?
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