neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
