i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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