is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
