There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
