oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
