Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
