last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
