She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
