I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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