what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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