i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
