I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
