I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
