Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
