my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
