I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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