Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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