You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
