not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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