party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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