Whod you bang
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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