I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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