Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
